After the curtain recently fell at the age of 50, I often find myself thinking about the shape of the coming years. So, with a gin in one hand and a walnut whip in the other, I thought I would turn to my trusted friend, my well-being guide, my sherpa in the desert of time, my Gwyn, for advice on how to proceed into my seventh. decade.
And my God, I made the right decision. After wading through countless columns by Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle and well-being publication Goop over the years (my bible in times of uncertainty), I am now fully equipped, once again, to leap into a future of renewed mental, physical, emotional and sexual health. Puh.
Aging well is basically about gut, genitals and well-being.
Let’s start with the simple, right? Exactly, here is an important, albeit somewhat reduced, guide to intestinal health. We more mature picnics on the quilt of life should avoid herbicides, preservatives, artificial ingredients and alcohol. We must also avoid gluten, which is found in bread and beer, both of which can cause systemic inflammation and leakage. (And no one wants to be leaky, right?)
Conversely, beer and bread (especially if you stick cheese and pickles in a couple of slices and sit down to watch football) can make you feel full and happy. But ask yourself: what’s the point of happiness if it disturbs your microbiome, huh? Riddle me that.
We must also avoid sweets, starch, conventionally grown meat, poultry and dairy products.
But what else, I hear you vomit, is left?
There is sauerkraut. If you want to be a sexy, witty six-year-old, you have to eat sauerkraut. Eat sauerkraut and drink filtered water – there is not much more to it.
Apparently you can not overestimate the importance of stomach-bubbling Bavaria – sorry, I mean stomach beneficial bacteria. And when you are really tired of sauerkraut, you can eat tomatoes, garlic, onions, radishes, leeks, asparagus and Jerusalem artichokes. Even a cup overflows, right?
About training: just do it. Buy a skipping rope, but think about your knees.
Oh yes, and sleep. Sleep more. Sleep all day. Sleep all day and all night; it will prevent you from reaching for a cold blue gin. Sleep allows your hormones to do their job instead of supporting you as you dribble in front of Netflix and try to remember if you’ve already seen this Scandinavian drama.
Apparently, most of the symptoms we usually attribute to aging are actually a loss of function. So avoid stress and, above all, reconnect to your sense of purpose and community. You will need to stand on your own windy feet to do this. You can not expect Gwynnie to wipe out your existential anxiety and find meaning in your tired life. She is a busy woman; she can prepare disturbing aromatic candles or healthily insert organic eggs into her yoni.
Anyway, to sex. Do not run crying to Gwyn about your shrinking libido or your sleepy extremities; just take things into your own (or someone else’s) hands and find out what your sexual plan is. And if you do not know your plan at your age, you are not only not on the picnic, buddy, you are not even in the woods.
According to Goop, there are five types of sexual drawings. There is the sensual type, the energetic type, the sexual type, the kinky type and Shapeshifter. Did I say five? Sorry, I meant sex; I forgot for a moment the type Couldn’t-Be-Arsed.
But how do I find out what type I am, I hear you cry! I’m glad you asked. According to the article I consulted in Goop, you take a fork (yes, I said a fork) and then use it to move your body. (I wish I had invented this, but I do not.)
If, say, you’d rather enjoy the feeling of running the fork over yourself while someone licks the back of your knees, while feeding yourself organic chocolate (made in a pesticide-free environment by spiritually-filled chocolatiers wearing hemp culotte and reading Proust on their lunch break), so the odds are that you are a sensual type.
Scrape yourself too deeply with said fork and you are a Kinky. Enjoy running the fork up and down and sideways, “contouring” the innocent piece of cutlery over your dressed / undressed body, and you are either a sexual or an energetic type. And if you’re happy to do it all, you’re a Shapeshifter.
At the same time, on the other side of the earth from California, the Couldn’t-Be-Arsed types use their forks to scratch their temples and eat lukewarm chicken worms. With some people, you simply can not win, Gywn.
#Hilary #Fannin #Aging #stomach #genitals #wellbeing